


The Sea of Waking Dreams

by innusiq



Category: due South
Genre: Drama, Episode Related, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-01-02
Updated: 2000-01-02
Packaged: 2018-11-10 22:55:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11136321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/innusiq/pseuds/innusiq
Summary: Frasre's subconscious between the end of Victoria's Secret and the beginning of Letting Go.





	The Sea of Waking Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

The Sea of Waking Dreams

## The Sea of Waking Dreams

by Innusiq

* * *

This takes place at the end of Victoria's Secret on the train platform to the beginning of Letting Go. I believe there are quit a few fan-fiction stories that have been written during this time frame but I hope you all enjoy it. I've had a yearning to write this since I love the VS episode and I felt like exploring what was going on in Fraser's subconscious. I believe it shows a side of Fraser that no one ever sees, the fact that he is vulnerable too! (Some dialogue and description has been borrowed from VS). 

The Sea of Waking Dreams  
by: Jenny Hill 

She grabbed onto the train and pulled herself aboard. The train began to pull away, gaining speed as the seconds passed. She turned to look at him, there was hurt in her eyes. 

"Come with me!" Victoria pleaded. 

All he could do was stare at her. After everything she had done he still couldn't decide whether to stay or go. Not only had she tried to ruin his life, but also the life of his good friend Ray. Why did she have to do it? Why? Is this the way she shows her love, to give someone no choice but the one she had given, the one she had chosen for them? Did she even know how to love? 

If he goes he knew he would be happy, but for how long? Does he risk the chance for a moment of happiness rather than not know what could have been? Does he jump bail, leaving Ray with the debt? Ray believed in Fraser. How was Ray to know the thoughts that were passing through Fraser's mind? Fraser loved her desperately yet didn't really know how to show it or how it should be shown to him. Whywas this so difficult? 

"You're going to regret it if you don't" is the next thing Fraser registered hearing from Victoria. "Fraser!" 

Fraser began running towards Victoria with all his strength. He had to make it. He had to be with her. He needed her. She was part of his soul that couldn't be separated from him. Why does she have to be this way? Why does he love her so much? Why does it hurt so much? 

Fraser turned to see Ray, Huey, Louis and Lt. Welsh running towards the train platform, guns drawn. Yes, she previously had Ray's back up gun but Fraser had already disarmed her. She was completely harmless now. All he could think was 'I have to make it. I have to make it. If I could just run a little faster,' and ran he did. 

"She's got a gun!" Ray shouted. 

'No Ray!' Fraser thought. He was too determined in trying to make the train to even be able to voice the protest and as he stretched out his hand towards Victoria she took hold and tried to help him onto the train. A shot rang out. 

Fraser just stared in disbelief. Disbelief of the fact he was shot. Disbelief of the fact that he let himself go this far, to give up on all the principals he had held so dear his whole life. How could one person make him do such an insane thing? What did this say of his whole being? 

Snow began to fall. Fraser looked at Victoria for the last time as she lost her grip due to his dead weight. She let him go and he began to fall onto the train platform yet he never hit ground. Fraser continued to fall further and further until . . . 

"Ah!" Fraser startled himself awake. 

He laid there, breathing heavy almost hyperventilating. Sweat was dripping from his forehead. As his eyes adjusted to the surroundings, a calming feeling began to settle over him and his breathing evened out. Fraser looked to the right on the floor next to the bed and found Diefenbaker, sound asleep. He looked to his left and she was there too, sleeping soundly. He hadn't aroused either of them, thank God. 

"It was only a dream," Fraser reassured himself quietly. "Only a dream". 

Fraser continued to look around the moonlit room. He could see the wedding dress hanging on the closet door. Looking down at his left hand, a gold ring. A smile spread a crossed his face as he remembered the days events . . . 

*****(Earlier that day)****** 

"Repeat after me", the reverend began the wedding vows, "I Benton Fraser". 

"I Benton Fraser," he repeated as he looked at the woman who was to be his wife. She was beautiful. He could love no other woman the way he loved her. He owed her his life for the past and he was never going to let her go. She saved him from a life of solitude. She filled the void that was left in his heart and soul. No longer would he be alone anymore. Someone would be there to hug him when things weren't going well. Someone would be there to hold his hand when he needed support. Someone would be there for him . . . just because. 

"Take you, Victoria Metcalfe," continued the reverend. 

A smile on his face and a tear in his eye, Fraser repeated, "Take you, Victoria Metcalfe". 

Yes, Ray had been there for him since his exile from the North and Fraser truly appreciated his friendship beyond words. The fact that Ray went out on a limb for him the first time they had met (nearly getting himself killed) was all Fraser needed to see to know that Ray was a good man. Ray had actually become his family. If it weren't for Ray's friendship, Fraser knew he wouldn't have made it in the big city as long as he did. And now, this big city would be his home, their home. 

*****(Later that evening)****** 

"The first time I met Benny, he had come to Chicago on the trail of his father's killers, and for reasons that don't need explaining at this juncture, he remained attached as liaison officer with the Canadian consulate. Before I knew it, a partnership had grown into a friendship that I wouldn't trade for the world. Benny you've been a good friend to me. I only hope I have been at least half as good of a friend to you. When I heard of your impending marriage to Victoria, I couldn't believe it. Never did I think you would beat me down the isle but here I am, best man, and glad this is happening to you. You deserve the best and that she is. There is no one in the world like her. So, to Benny and Victoria. May you always be as happy as you are today." Ray raised his glass after his speech, motioning everyone else to do the same and cheers were said. 

The best man, Ray Vecchio, had just finished his speech, which had himself, Fraser, Victoria and everyone close to them all choked up. Once the speech was over, in the distance of the reception hall, a small tink on a glass grew like a wave to the front. With an embarrassed grin on his face, Fraser leaned over and kissed his wife. 

Ray was truly happy for Fraser and Victoria. He never thought Fraser would touch a woman let alone get married but here he was, Raymond Vecchio, best man to Benton Fraser. Fraser did look happy. Ray had never seen Fraser looking this happy before in his life. It was a good sight. 'Too bad his parents couldn't be here to enjoy this happiness,' Ray thought. 

Music played. People were laughing, crying and enjoying a wonderful evening. Fraser and Victoria were out on the dance floor taking a moment for themselves before they had to mingle with their guests. Her head rested on his shoulder. The feeling of her body next to his was unbelievable. Fraser never wanted to let her go. As they danced, it was like walking on clouds. They were made for each other. Fraserbreathed deeply. Victoria smelled of plumeria, a scent Fraser found intoxicating (especially on her). 

Never in his lifetime had he expected to be getting married. After seeing how his parents marriage was (for the short time his mother was alive) with the long separations . . . he thought he could never do that to any woman he loved, but this wasn't just any woman. They had been through so much already, all that just didn't seem to matter. He was with her now and that's all that mattered. 

******(A year later)****** 

After dressing and checking himself in the mirror, Fraser turned to look at his still sleeping wife. He walked over to the bed, kissed her on the forehead and headed out. Diefenbaker was still asleep on the floor. It was six o'clock in the morning when he left for work. He decided to leave early so he could stop off at the precinct to catch Ray before he himself had to be at the consulate. Fraser could hardly sleep the night before due to the exciting news he had for Ray. What a day this would be. 

The walk from their house to the precinct took about 30 minutes normally but today Fraser took the long way in order to clear his head. He even took a walk past his old apartment building. How he missed all his neighbors. When Fraser arrived at the precinct, Ray was not in yet. Fraser sat quietly in the chair in front of Ray's desk, playing with one of his many toys. It passed the time. 

"Hi Fraser. What brings you here so early?" Elaine asked as she passed Ray's desk and sat some files on it. 

"Good morning Elaine," Fraser greeted as he stood up. "I just needed to talk something over with Ray and I thought I would try to catch him before I reported for work." 

"Okay, well, he should be in any minute" 

"Thank you kindly Elaine". Fraser sat back down. He was starting to get impatient as the minutes ticked by. Being impatient isn't something Fraser's known for but impatient he was. It was a good fifteen minutes wait before he heard the words . . . 

"Hey Benny! How are you doing this morning? What are you doing here this early as a matter of fact?" Ray walked by Fraser, hung up his coat, sat down at his desk and began shuffling through the files Elaine had placed on his desk earlier. 

"Good morning Ray," Fraser began. "I wanted to catch you early this morning as I have something to tell you that is very important." 

"Shoot," Ray said as he continued looking through his files, listening but at the sametime not listening. 

"Well, this is hard for me to say. Not so hard to say more like hard to believe. I myself couldn't believe it. I couldn't sleep last night over this . . ." 

Ray cut Fraser off mid-thought, "Benny, just tell me". 

Fraser sat there for a second and stared at him. Ray was a good man. Fraser sometimes believed Ray was a better man than he himself was. Why isn't this happening to him? He should be the one married, enjoying this happy life, not that his life wasn't happy. Fraser just knew how happy he was and felt guilty for it. Fraser leaned over the desk to almost whisper what he was about to say and spoke softly, "Well Ray, it seems that I am going to a father". 

Total shock spread over Ray's face. Not a bad kind of shock, a good kind of shock. "Wow," was all he could muster out at first, "A father?" Benton Fraser, Royal Canadian Mounted Police, Husband, Father, was the only thing going through Ray's head. 

"Yes Ray. A father." Fraser himself could hardly believe the words he had just spoke. It was only a year ago he was getting married, something he never thought he would ever do and now, fatherhood. Even though he couldn't believe it, he had a good feeling about it, a very good feeling. 

"Well congratulations. Wow, this is great. I can't believe . . ." Ray began before being cut off by Fraser. 

"Yes, thank you Ray, but I would greatly appreciate your discreteness with this information. We are waiting another month or so to tell anyone but you are my best friend Ray. You are the only person I have told and I would like to keep it quiet for now. I had to tell someone or it was going to eat a hole in me". 

"Yeah sure. Whatever you say Benny." Ray just sat there smiling. He knew that Fraser was going to be a great father. 

"Thanks Ray. Now I just have to find a way to tell Diefenbaker. You know how he can be at times". 

Ray just nodded his head in understanding. "Why don't we go get some coffee. We can discuss this more when we get out of here". 

"Sure Ray. I have a little time yet before I have to be at the consulate," Fraser said as he stood up. 

As they walked out Ray put his hand on Fraser's shoulder in a way of congratulating him. Ray knew they were good friends. They were best friends. Each of them would go to the ends of the earth for one another and have at times. Things had changed since Fraser's marriage and Ray completely understood. Fraser was more cautious with his life now. Before, it didn't matter as long as the good prevailed in the end. Fraser would even risk his own life in hopes of the good prevailing, but not anymore. He had a reason to keep safe, Victoria and now an even better reason, his child. 

******(Several months later)****** 

"Paging Dr. Andrews. Please come to the sixth floor nurse's station. Dr. Andrews, please come to the sixth floor nurse's station," was heard over the personal address system at the hospital. 

Ray was pacing back and forth in the waiting room. It had been five hours since they had arrived and he hadn't heard a word of what was going on. Ray was worried. What a difference three years could make. Three years ago Victoria had arrived in town being chased by Jolly, but Fraser stood by her and she gave herself up. Jolly's murder was proven being done in self-defense and Victoria was released. What a fiasco that was, but that's over with and now they were here, waiting, and waiting and . . . 

Through the waiting room doors walked a very dazed Benton Fraser. He looked dazed but smiling, looking happier than on his wedding day. Fraser had such a grin on his face. 

A very impatient Ray went directly to Fraser and placed his hand on his shoulder. "So, what happened? What's going on? Is she ok?" 

"I . . . I . . . it's a girl," Fraser managed to spit out before he got weak in the knees nearly passing out. 

Ray caught Fraser before he hit the floor, helped him to a chair in the waiting room and sat him down. Fraser just sat there for a few seconds not knowing what to say, what to do or how to feel. Then he started to cry. Ray took hold of Fraser's right hand and squeezed. 

"Ray," Fraser began as he wiped the tears away with his left hand, "she is the most beautiful child I have ever seen". Fraser was smiling with pride. 

"I believe you Benny. I believe you." 

"Ray, I don't know if I can do this. I was sure before but once I saw her . . . she is so little. I don't know the first thing about being a father let alone raising a daughter." Fraser was distraut. He was normally the level-headed one between the two of them but not today. 

'How can he be underestimating himself like this? Benny knows everything or at least he seems to know everything,' Ray thought. "It's just gonna take a little time. Benny, you can track a caribou farther than any normal man. I think you can raise a child." Ray was trying to sound reassuring. 

Fraser laughed at that. "Thanks Ray. I needed that." 

"I have to get back to Victoria," Fraser stated as he stood up quickly almost in a frantic state. 

"Calm down Benny, she's not going anywhere. Neither of them are going anywhere. I'll walk you to her room". 

Fraser nodded in agreement to Ray. Ray put his arm around Fraser's shoulder and said, "So Benny, what's her name?" 

Fraser stopped walking. "I don't know? Is that wrong of me? Oh dear. This is not good. I know the name . . ." 

"Don't worry Benny, we'll ask Victoria. Let's hope her mind is still working, if not, this kid's in trouble". 

******(Later in Victoria's hospital room)****** 

Victoria was resting peacefully in her hospital bed. Fraser just stared at her. It was truly amazing that his life had turned out this way, happy for a change. It was tragic that he lost his mother at such a young age. Hardly knew her. Growing up with his grandparents wasn't horrible but it just wasn't how it should have been. Then, just as he and his father were getting closer, Fraser's dad was taken away too! 

Fraser startled from his stare as the bundle in his arms moved. Looking down he was still in awe of the sight of his daughter. 'His daughter,' Fraser thought to himself. And she was beautiful as he said. How was he ever going to keep her safe in this world? The world was so big and she's but a little snowflake on the vast tundra. 

"I know how you're feeling son. It's exactly how I felt the first time I saw you " Fraser Sr. said. He was standing next to his son, looking at his granddaughter. 

"Dad, how did you do it?" Fraser asked in desperation. 

"Son, you just take it day by day, it will all fall into place. At least that was what your mother told me." 

Mom, if only she were here. Neither Fraser nor Victoria had parents to come and help out when needed. They had no family for that matter. They were on their own and that is what had Fraser worried. Sure Fraser could rely on Mrs. Vecchio for any help they may need but it just wasn't the same. 

"Her name's Caroline," Fraser announced after a moment. 

"I know your mothers name son!" Fraser Sr. barked. 

"No, not Mom, your granddaughter. We named her after Mom." 

"It's a good choice son. Your mother would be proud," and Fraser Sr. disappeared. 

A quiet tap is heard on the door. "Come in," Fraser called quietly. 

Ray poked his head in and saw Victoria was still sleeping and Fraser was seated by the window holding his daughter. What a sight that was. It kind of made it all real now. Entering the room, Ray placed a vase of flowers next to Victoria's bed and walked over to Fraser. He just stared in awe. 

After a few moments of silence, "Ray, do you want to hold her?" Fraser questioned as he got up and, without Ray ever giving a answer, placed Caroline in Ray's arms. 

She was so small. No smaller than any other newborn Ray had seen but small, and as Fraser said, she was beautiful. Ray sat down in the chair previously occupied by Fraser and cradle Caroline in his arms beaming with pride as if he were the father. Ray knew Fraser would never let anything happen to her or come to harm her, even risk his own life to protect her. Ray felt the same way. 

Victoria stirred in her bed. As she opened her eyes, she saw Ray lovingly holding her child. It was a sight that made Victoria sure the choice she and Ben had made was right. Ray would watch over Caroline even if they didn't ask him to. Since neither she nor Ben had any other family to speak of, Ray was the proper candidate to be Caroline's Godfather and guardian if anything should happen to her and Ben. 

Victoria smiled at her husband lovingly as he reached to hold her hand. She was very lucky to have received a second chance at a happy life and that he was waiting for her. She never thought it was possible for him to love her as much as he did, but he did. They were both hesitant at embarking on a relationship together, again. It wasn't like they were in a relationship the first time but there was just a connection that couldn't be broken over time and distance. She wasdefinitely the lucky one. 

******(Six years later)****** 

Looking out of the window in his office, Fraser stood and stretched. He just finished up his report from the previous day and was getting ready to leave for lunch. It was the beginning of summer and the temperature was still on the cool side for the time of year it was. Fraser was getting ready to put on his coat when he heard footsteps running through the foyer area of the consulate. Curious, he walked to his door and peaked his head out making eye contact with his wife, this was a surprise, and in tow their daughter. Actually, Victoria was in tow, as Caroline was running ahead towards her father's office. As she reached his door Fraser scooped Caroline up and kissed her on the cheek. 

"Hello Daddy," Caroline said as she wrapped her arms around her dad's neck to hug him. Her tiny curls brushed up against his cheek. Fraser never tired of that. 

"Hello darling. What are you two doing down here?" Fraser questioned as he set Caroline back on the floor. She continued running into his office as Victoria approached the doorway. Fraser kissed his wife and noticed she was carrying a basket. 

"Well," Victoria responded, "we thought we would surprise you. I figured, since it was such a pretty day out, that we could all go for a picnic in the park. " 

"And that you did," Fraser stated, "and you're just in time, I was about to leave for lunch." Fraser grabbed his coat and hat as Victoria collected Caroline. "Dief, we are leaving," Fraser announced. He hadn't seen Diefenbaker since he arrived at work this morning. "He's around here somewhere. Dief!" In the distance of the consulate Fraser heard the sound of paws on wooden floors, then Diefenbaker came into view. The Fraser family was now ready for their picnic. 

******(Later in the park)****** 

It was a picture perfect scene. Your typical checkered blanket spread out with different food items. Even a special bundle was brought for Diefenbaker. She had thought of everything. 

Victoria was cleaning up as Fraser was playing with Caroline and Diefenbaker. How she loved watching him with Caroline. He's a very tall, built man but he was always so gentle with her. He would never let anything happen to her, to either of them. Victoria always felt safe with Ben. 

"Spin me Daddy!" Caroline begged. 

Fraser took hold of his daughter's hands and started to spin in a circle. As he picked up speed Caroline's body began to tilt into the air and she no longer could touch the ground with her feet. 

"I'm flying Daddy. I'm flying!" Caroline exclaimed and she began to giggle. 

Fraser just laughed and so did Victoria. They made him so happy. After a bit he stopped and gently sat Caroline on the ground next to where Diefenbaker was laying. Caroline leaned on Diefenbaker and hugged him. Diefenbaker was so protective of Caroline there was no reason to worry about him being part wolf. He seemed to know she was part of Fraser. His protectiveness of Fraser spread to her. 

Fraser kissed Victoria on her forehead and sat down next to her. He didn't want to go back to work. Yes, he enjoyed his job very much now. Before, to him, it was just . . . a job. Now and then he would help Ray solve cases in his spare time (even endangering his own life for that matter), but now, his main goal was to remain safe for his family. Fraser no longer helped Ray on a regular basis, only if Ray needed his help on an exceptionally difficult case. He didn't want to leave his family any sooner than he had to. Not like his father, or his mother for that matter. Even doing the most mundane things didn't bother him. Not only did the job keep him safe, but it also kept him close to his family. 

"Ben, can I ask you something?" Victoria questioned as she took hold of his hand. Fraser turned to look at her. "Are you happy here?" 

"Yes. Why do you ask?" Fraser looked concerned at that question. It was as if wondering where this conversation was leading if it was actually leading anywhere. How could she be unhappy when he was as happy as he ever had been in his whole entire life? 

"I was just wondering. Sometimes, I get the feeling I just want to get up one morning and run away. I don't mean run away from you and Caroline. I would never do such a thing. More like all of us just packing up and moving." Victoria looked exasperated. She didn't know how to explain what she was feeling or what she wanted. She didn't even know what it was she wanted. " I have never lived in one place as long as I have lived here with you." She didn't want to hurt him or make him do anything he didn't want to do but the look on his face after she made her statement spoke volumes. He wasn't ready to move yet, she knew that much but maybe, in time, he would consider it. 

Fraser looked down at their joined hands, cocked his head slightly and said, "Victoria, I do understand how youfeel. Although I myself don't feel that way now, I have experienced that feeling of . . ." Now Fraser was almost speechless. When he first moved to Chicago, he went day and night not feeling like he belonged, yearning for his homeland. Ray was his only insight into this city and country. Ray made each day a little less lonely, almost like a home, until Victoria. 

"That feeling of abandonment," Fraser continued, "I felt that way when I first arrived here. But it gets better as time passes." 

"Ben, it's been about 10 years. How can I still be feeling this way?" Victoria wanted to be a good wife and a good mother. She'd been both. She just kept this feeling hidden thinking it would go away sooner or later. Well, it was later and she still felt like running. "Would you ever consider moving somewhere else?" 

Fraser just looked at her. He didn't expect that one, though he wasn't shocked by it either. He knew who Victoria was. Yes, he had made sacrifices to keep them together, but he also knew that she had made an even bigger sacrifice. Where would they go and why now? Fraser was actually feeling settled here in Chicago. Yes, Chicago of all places. Not that Chicago was bad, but it's not the Canadian Territories. "I'm not sure. It's something I would have to think about," Fraser finally replied, which was a lie on Fraser's part and he was embarrassed for that. Victoria and Caroline were his life now. No matter where they were, they would be together. Fraser just didn't think he was ready to move again. He really didn't want to consider leaving the place he currently called home. 

******(Five months later - still in Chicago)****** 

It was the Christmas season and Caroline's first grade class was performing in her school's annual program. Fraser and Victoria were seated and next toFraser was an empty chair. Fraser looked at his watch and the curtain time was drawing near. 

"Don't worry Ben, he will be here," Victoria reassured Fraser as she patted his knee. 

In the back of the auditorium Fraser heard some commotion. When he turned to see what was going on he just snickered to himself. There was Ray, trying to make his way through the crowd standing around the entrance. Typical Ray, that was the only downfall of the decision he and Victoria had made. He would miss Ray. How is it that time flies by so fast? It seemed like only yesterday Victoria entered his life for the second time and here he was, ten years later. He was married, a father and about to make the biggest change in his life. Fraser had agreed to move as Victoria asked. This would be the last Christmas he would spend in Chicago and with his best friend Ray. 

As Ray finally made it down to where Fraser and Victoria were seated he blurted out, "Sorry I'm late guys. You would not believe the traffic I ran into trying to get here". Ray entered the row of seats and sat next to Fraser. "I didn't miss anything did I?" 

"No Ray, it hasn't even started yet," Fraser said. 

The lights dimmed and the curtain on stage began to part. Each class in the school had a part in the play. This year's theme was how different countries celebrated Christmas. Fraser persuaded Caroline's teacher to make sure her class presented Canada, for obvious reasons. Caroline's part . . . she got to be the Canadian Flag in which Fraser told her was something of great pride and honor and you could tell when she walked on stage. Her head held high, Caroline walked on stage proudly. Fraser was glad that he and Victoria had decided to return to Canada. Even though he wasn't returning to the Territories, just being back in his home country would be a welcome change for them both. Fraser wouldn't mind remaining in Chicago but he would do anything to keep Victoria happy. 

Victoria got up and stood in the isle, camera in hand and began taking pictures of Caroline. Fraser turned to look at his wife when something caught his attention in his peripheral vision. Fraser turned his head and looked out the auditorium window and saw a sight that took his breath away. It was the first snow and it seemed so familiar. From that moment on everything went into slow motion. 

Victoria had moved further down the isle from where she was originally standing and Fraser hadn't even seen her move. It was as if time passed in a blink of an eye and Fraser had blinked and missed it. Then he heard a familiar voice cry out. 

"She's got a gun!" 

Fraser turned to see Ray standing in the back of the auditorium and no longer sitting next to him. Ray pointed his gun directly at Victoria. The strange part was that no one in the auditorium was able to hear or see what was going on, it was like they weren't even there to witness. Not even Victoria was reacting to Ray. Why was Ray doing this? 

Fraser instinctively jumped up, entered the isle and moved towards his wife to protect her as the shot rang out. Just as Fraser approached his wife he stopped suddenly with a sharp pain in his back. Victoria turned in time to see Fraser as he grabbed hold of her. There was a look of shock on his face as he leaned in towards her ear and whispered "Go, you are free now." Fraser began to fall to the floor, hitting hard and blacking out. 

* * *

"Son?" Fraser Sr. called quietly as not to startle his son. 

Fraser was lying in a hospital bed in the recovery room. His eyes flicker open for the first time. He brought his left hand up to rub his eyes and just stared at the ceiling for a few moments as if trying to get his bearings under control. He looked at his father. Fraser Sr. smiled at his son in a knowing way. He knew what he had been through, what he had thought and what he had believed. He also knew what he didn't have. 

The truth flooded back to Fraser faster than his own mind could process the information: Victoria's return, Diefenbaker, Jolly, Ray, the set up and the train station. Why did she do it? 

Fraser frowned slightly. "It was all a dream wasn't it?" he asked his father. Fraser didn't need to hear the answer for he already knew it but that didn't keep him from hoping it wasn't true. 

"Yes son," Fraser Sr. reluctantly replied. "It was what you wanted in your heart but you knew could never be." 

Fraser began to remember it all more clearly. Victoria only returned to town to get even with him for putting her in jail all those years ago. Why did he fall for her again knowing who she was and what she did? Why? He knew all too well that he didn't fall for her again. Fraser had never stopped loving Victoria from the first time he was with her in the blizzard up on Fortitude Pass. He still loved her now. 

Fraser Sr. took hold of his son's hand and squeezed. A tear rolled down Fraser's face which broke his father's heart. Fraser closed his eyes and fell back into a deep sleep, not to remember the conversation with his dad. 

"It will get better son, I promise," Fraser Sr. whispered as he disappeared. 

The Windhover 

"I caught this morning morning's minion, Kingdom of daylight's dauphin, dapple-dawn-drawn Falcon, in his riding Of the rolling level underneath him steady air, and striding High there, how he rung upon the rein of a wimpling wing 

In his ecstasy! then off, off forth on swing, As a skate's heel sweeps smooth on a bow-bend: the hurl and gliding Rebuffed the big wind. My heart in hiding  
Stirred for a bird, the achieve of, the mastery of the thing! 

Brute beauty and valour and act, oh, air, pride, plume, here Buckle! AND the fire that breaks from thee then, a billion Times told lovelier, more dangerous, O my chevalier! No wonder of it: sheer plod makes plough down sillion Shine, and blue-bleak embers, ah my dear, Fall, gall themselves, and gash gold-vermillion." 

Gerald Manley Hopkins 

Ray Vecchio, Benton Fraser, Bob Fraser, Victoria Metcalfe, Jack Huey, Louis Gardino, Lt. Welsh and Diefenbaker are not mine, I merely borrowed them and will return them safely, no harm done. 


End file.
